What is My Identity?

Why is it that every time I walk to the beach I have some huge heart break down? My heart aches and it hurts. I try to cover the pain with people and search for my identity through men's eyes. Why is that my Heavenly Father, that cherishes me, finds me perfect and utterly beautiful is not enough? 

Why is it that I can not find peace? I am always looking for a way to hide, transform, or be fulfilled in some other way. I am hungry and never feel full. I am drowning but my mouth is a desert. Who am I and what is the person I have become? 

I keep searching and see what I could be apart of, the glorious kingdom of God and instead keep turning away. I don't want to be a boring Christian woman! I am an image bearer if God and I can't stand the reflection I see. This isn't because of low self esteem I know I am beautiful, but I don't feel good enough. Through God's grace he is perfect in my imperfection. The men I give myself too are not worthy of me, they are wieners, do not value me, and value God even less, but then who is? 

God's grace is something I can't understand. No matter how many books I read and how much theological knowledge I have I still can't comprehend it. Thank you God for your death to save me. I don't deserve it! I don't deserve your love, patience, attention, and grace. Thank you for loving someone that was destined to nothingness. 

I don't know where God is leading me but it is better then where I have been. 

"Here is the beauty of having an identity wrapped up in a creator God who exists outside of creation: our identity is 'life proof.' No matter what circumstances, roles, or responsibilities are added or subtracted to our lives, they do not add or subtract fro our identity." Disciple by Bill Clem

XOXO…

Casie

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