What is My Identity?

Why is it that every time I walk to the beach I have some huge heart break down? My heart aches and it hurts. I try to cover the pain with people and search for my identity through men's eyes. Why is that my Heavenly Father, that cherishes me, finds me perfect and utterly beautiful is not enough? 

Why is it that I can not find peace? I am always looking for a way to hide, transform, or be fulfilled in some other way. I am hungry and never feel full. I am drowning but my mouth is a desert. Who am I and what is the person I have become? 

I keep searching and see what I could be apart of, the glorious kingdom of God and instead keep turning away. I don't want to be a boring Christian woman! I am an image bearer if God and I can't stand the reflection I see. This isn't because of low self esteem I know I am beautiful, but I don't feel good enough. Through God's grace he is perfect in my imperfection. The men I give myself too are not worthy of me, they are wieners, do not value me, and value God even less, but then who is? 

God's grace is something I can't understand. No matter how many books I read and how much theological knowledge I have I still can't comprehend it. Thank you God for your death to save me. I don't deserve it! I don't deserve your love, patience, attention, and grace. Thank you for loving someone that was destined to nothingness. 

I don't know where God is leading me but it is better then where I have been. 

"Here is the beauty of having an identity wrapped up in a creator God who exists outside of creation: our identity is 'life proof.' No matter what circumstances, roles, or responsibilities are added or subtracted to our lives, they do not add or subtract fro our identity." Disciple by Bill Clem

XOXO…

Casie

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Thanksgiving - How It Makes Me Full

This Thanksgiving turned out different then I had anticipated. I don't normally spend Thanksgiving with my family even though that is extremely abnormal for most families. The reason I don't spend Thanksgiving with my family is because I don't feel safe around them. Every holiday has been one full of tears and heart ache. 

My friends have been so generous and extending hospitality to me to spend time with their families during the holidays. I had one invite and I was really excited to spend the holiday with, but they ended up "disinviting" me. At the last minute (Wednesday afternoon) I was able to be squeezed in to spend the day with my beautiful, and extremely talented best friend Nomi Abadi (her music is amazing), her mom and brother, at her boyfriends families house in Menefee. I am not going to lie, it was a beautiful and extremely long drive. 

I am so grateful that i was able to enjoy the day with amazing and caring people. You know when you are best friends with someone when you are both wearing black and white bracelets.

We played board games. I am not a huge fan, but I love Apples To Apples. The cards I won were "animated and rich"

We had a completely vegan thanksgiving too! I can't remember the last time that I had stuffing and gravy!!! There was the most amazing corn casserole, brussels sprouts, tofurkey, mashed potatoes, string beans, dinner rolls, gravy, and cranberry sauce. Everything was so delicious.

The best part about spending Thanksgiving with other peoples families is seeing what their traditions are. Mine was sweet potatoes with marshmallows. I am glad that one is over haha. Comment below with what some of your favorite traditions are.

XOXOXO,

Casie

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Vegan Love

Let me tell you the best Vegan place in all of Orange County…. Free Soul Caffe in Tustin!!!! They have the best food I have ever tasted EVER!!! Just look at the amazing yumminess below!!!

The best Pumpkin Pie EVER

This is a vegan frittata that basically blew my mind

 An Entire case of deliciousness

Look how cute this red velvet cake is and the little cheese cakes below!

My mouth is watering!! I wish I could eat there everyday!!!

XOXO,

Casie

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Surgery Time

I have to be the worst blogger ever. I always have it on my to do list to blog and I never do. This time i had a good excuse though… I had surgery and had breast augmentation. I know that I will get a ton of flack regarding why I would alter my body and what God thinks of it. I know that I was sinning by coveting something I wasn't blessed by God with. Thank God for God's redemption. 

I wouldn't change what I have done, since there would be no point in having regret. I believe that the reasons and motives behind making a decision is a big deal and something that needs to be looked at deeply. I can't speak for other people and their opinions of my decision. I know that for myself, I waited until I was 27 to do it and have wanted to get a boob job since I was 18. 

I never did it so that guys would look at me differently or for self esteem reasons. I wanted to do it so that I would be more proportionate. That's it. Now that I have had the surgery a little over three weeks ago I can say that emotionally I do not feel any different. I don't feel like I look that much different. Looking back right now if I would do it again I would say yes. The recovery process has been annoying and had to literally be cared for by other people for 24/7. As you can see from the first couple days I lived in the same clothes since they were easy to take on and off. 

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